When I got "the" phone call in June and was told by paramedics that they were taking my husband to the hospital I would say that I reacted with inner shock and panic. My first thought....was "what do I do?? Call Mom" Isn't it funny that a grown woman's first reaction is to call her Mom? I honestly thought of my Mom and Gary's Mom simultaneously, both of these women, whom we love so much, have been gone for a number of years. For a moment I had a sickening feeling of aloneness and panic. Then two thoughts: Do not fear, your angel mothers are with Gary, then of course, call our children!!
OUR KIDS How does a mother describe the feeling of turning to her adult children and their spouses and finding instant love and strength. Somehow I blinked and they were in the emergency room beside me. How did they get there so fast?
(me with our kids on Mother's Day 2011, a few weeks before Gary's stroke))
OUR SIBLINGS As I was in bumper to bumper traffic trying to get to the hospital I called Gary's siblings one by one, and I believe I talked to every one of their voicemails. And yet, before I knew it each of them AND their spouses were gathered with us in the emergency room. Gary has shared with me that one of the most poignant moments of all of this, for him, was, when he "woke up" and saw his siblings gathered around his bed. He said he felt amazed and he thought..."I think they love me" Several hours later my sister, Amy was headed up from Tucson and the next day, Gary's brother, David and Jayne were here as well. Emily told us she learned in a human relations class that the longest relationships you are most likely to have in life are with your siblings. I would like to add to that, siblings can offer immeasurable support and strength.
(Gary and his sibs, July 4th 2010) (Amy with her family, Rick and Erik)
OUR FRIENDS The love, concern and acts of kindness that our friends have shown to us has been nothing short of incredible! Do I begin listing names....or do I list the acts of kindness and service? Visitors in the hospital, phone calls, texts, meals, treats, homemade bread, cookies and lemon meringue pie (which Emily still claims was TOO perfect to have come out of someone's kitchen).
GARY'S GUY FRIENDS I mention this because I am used to observing service performed so lovingly by women. These acts often includes culinary arts and flowers and of course visiting. This summer I learned what men do: mow the lawn, (probably the single most appreciated act that anyone has ever done for Gary, thanks Bruce)! Men also drop by to visit, and they tease and laugh...great medicine by the way..... and show genuine concern. I observed first hand that men and women are alike, they are loving and concerned and want to sit and chat with a friend who's hurting.
About five years ago we moved into this house. With that move came a whole new group of friends as they welcomed us into our new ward and extended genuine friendship. Some of these couples we knew from the past but most of these friends were new. We joined five of these couples a few years ago and embarked on a cruise through the Mediterranean where great memories and bonds were made. As I look back at this summer and Gary's stroke I realize that each of those couples either rushed to the hospital, or came to our house to see Gary and extend love and service to us. This is an amazing and wonderful thing.
(The Francis's, Harrisons, us and Allens) (Mannes's, Brimhalls and us)
Then there are the long time friends. The friend who you know SO well, that comes over and "gets things done". Megan's baby shower was to be held at our home a few days after Gary was released from the hospital. I wanted things to look "just so" and it only happened because of a friend who came and decorated. Then there were friends and family members who prepared food, baked cup cakes, we had a dear friend offer to bring Jamba Juice for the whole shower, now THAT made the party legit!!
(my niece Holly's darling cupcakes, the wreath designed and hung by Bobbi Rogers)
Bottom line, how do you say THANK YOU?? They say "imitation is the greatest form of flattery" I want to BE a friend to others like all these amazing people have been to us. I hope this summer I have learned to reach out and help others when they face a life crisis. I hope we have changed this summer, not because of suffering a stroke, but because of learning and growing into more compassionate adults because of the love which has been extended to us.
